Wednesday, September 19, 2012

this is the moment when the entire world gets to troll.

i love trolls. and trolling. the internet is the biggest pit of information in the world and also the biggest swamp of morons. it's the place where everything and anything has its public and can be seen in its entire "splendor". trolls are labeled as bad people; even the word "troll" depicts an evil, not-so-clever creature in norse mythology. well, the internet trolls are actually chaotic good and usually smart as a whip. the real trolls are among the few who think against currents (and what strong and various currents the internet entertains!), who question everything, even for the sake of it, who stir things up (people don't like to really, really stir things up, do they) and, very important, who unbalance voting cretinism with arguments and force other people (let's call them "sheep") to think. they force people to educate themselves, to look up facts, words, meanings, substance, not form. and it is my opinion that one using one's brain against one's will is arguably the best method to thoroughly change one's mentality.

but let's cut to the chase.

here are the official all-time charts of youtube's most viewed videos: - five pages of justin bieber, pitbull, j-lo, justin bieber again, ludacris, eminem, lady gaga, michel telo, justin bieber again, nicki minaj, bruno mars, gotye, rihanna, gummi bears, carly rae jepsen (proud i didn't hear the "call me maybe" song yet, i hope that day never comes) and one direction. yes, maybe there's katy perry and there's also adele (which are just a bit less crappier), but they don't stand a chance against that heavy crap, and we're talking mount-rushmore-heavy here.

one can find "songs" uploaded two years and a half back in those charts. let's shoot straight to first place: justin bieber featuring ludacris - baby. a video uploaded in february the 19th, 2010: 780,461,094 views, 1,326,218 likes and 2,911,903 dislikes, up to this second. i didn't put the link here because i don't think this page can take that level of failure. (also, this was the only time i opened it, just to see the detailed numbers and to cast my dislike.)

so here comes park jae-sang, better known as psy, a south-korean rapper, songwriter, producer etc., that makes a rather classy fun of all the swag, yolo, hipster crap put together in what is probably the best professional music video for this k-pop genre ever to be uploaded on facebook: gangnam style. yes, the fact that he's asian really helps - the randomness, the simultaneously wicked, naive, blunt and subtle humour are amazing. not to mention it makes a pretty decent club song. long story short, trolling level: over 9,000.

the clip's numbers look like this: uploaded in july the 15th, 2012: 220,162,225 views, 2,061,245 likes, 88,842 dislikes. right now, psy is touring tv shows in the united states, teaching britney spears and ellen degeneres the gangnam style moves. this is a story of a worldwide one-hit wonder that is also a worldwide-level troll. a unique mix, i'd say.

roughly speaking, gangnam style went for almost a third of baby's views in almost a tenth of the time, while gathering almost double the likes and 1/32 of dislikes, directly compared to baby. by the look of it, it's probably just a matter of time until gangnam style becomes #1 in the youtube all-time charts.

my idea to you, people: let's make this happen quicker. and let's not stop when it reaches the first place, let's make it the first video with one billion views. the quicker, the better. you be the trolls. because if a clip like this doesn't stand a chance against the tenths of millions of stupid people that watch justin bieber, pitbull and nicki minaj on repeat, maybe, just maybe, psy's thing would do the trick. and maybe, just maybe, pitbull, minaj, bieber & co. would see themselves as they truly are and they would quit showbiz and embrace a life of a dead penguin, at the south pole. and surely, just surely, this is for the best.

i don't know if you should open it in youtube so the views would count, but i don't think so. anyway, enjoy.

p.s. mr. tommy emmanuel, i would like to honestly present my apologies for including one of your works in this post. it was definitely a moment of temporary insanity, hopefully never to be repeated again.